A condom shop has opened on my local high street and I’m completely baffled as to why the owners have picked such a location.

I can understand it opening in Croydon town centre or Bluewater, where shoppers might be more disposed towards picking up a cherry flavoured packet of three “for a laugh” while purchasing their weekend outfits. But I can’t see anyone in Forest Hill wandering in on their way to the organic bakers or independent video store.

Maybe I’m missing something; maybe Forest Hill is a hotbed of salacious activity? The shop’s proprietors must have done market research and therefore obviously know more about the existence of Roman-style orgies and swingers parties, the only places I can imagine where novelty condoms would feature, than I as a local resident do.

This all reminded me, in a tangential way, of a discussion I had recently with a friend as to what kind of shoes you could wear on a first date so you look hot, but not slutty. I think that’s easy enough to answer; avoid any shoes made of the clear plastic that lap dancers favour, PVC knee-high boots or fluffy kitten heels, which are obviously only for the bedroom.

When I put this question to the lads in my office, high-heeled sandals were mentioned, although that was the only sensible suggestion. Given that first dates are never the most comfortable of situations, I would suggest wearing a pair of shoes that you know are not going to give you grief. Let’s face it; you will get plenty of that if the date turns into a relationship.

Personally, I think peep toes are very alluring in a retro-type way. They add a drop of 1940s Hollywood smoulder to an outfit. One can imagine Ava Gardner poised in a chic café in a pair, and I bet her matching bag didn’t contain any fruit flavoured latex.